[par-oo-chee-ah]
noun
Incredibly efficient church secretary and the person in charge of all the rotas. Best friends with the wimple and arch nemesis of the nimbus.
Mortuary
[mawr-choo-er-ee]
adjective
State of being following a reredos or badly handled misericord.
“I felt so mortuary after that reading.”
Frater
[frey-ter]
verb
Snatched conversation between verses in a hymn.
“What does potentate mean?”
“What the hell is unction and how does one bestow it?”
“They’re playing this too slowly!”
Denization
[den-ee-za -shun]
noun
A special committee called by the buttress when a vicar tries to implement a new project (such as the removal of old box pews).
“Guitars in church? I’m calling a denization, we’ll put a stop to this!”
Decretum
[di-creet-em]
noun
Movement made by an individual when either arriving to church late or nipping out during a quiet moment to the toilet – an attempt to make as little noise as possible.
“She walked with decretum down the side aisle.”
Culdee
[cull-dee]
adjective
The ambient temperature of all vestries older than 100 years.
“I’m not getting changed in there, it’s all culdee.”
Crossfigill
[cross-fee-gil]
noun
Moment during the offertory hymn when two collection plates collide.
“There was a crossfigill today, poor Joan didn’t know which bag to put her envelope into!”
