New Wineskins Dictionary

Paruchia

Bryony Taylor — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 05:00:23 +0000

[par-oo-chee-ah]

noun

Incredibly efficient church secretary and the person in charge of all the rotas. Best friends with the wimple and arch nemesis of the nimbus.

Mortuary

Bryony Taylor — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 05:00:28 +0000

[mawr-choo-er-ee]

adjective

State of being following a reredos or badly handled misericord.

“I felt so mortuary after that reading.”

Frater

Bryony Taylor — Sat, 16 Jun 2012 05:00:32 +0000

[frey-ter]

verb

Snatched conversation between verses in a hymn.

“What does potentate mean?”

“What the hell is unction and how does one bestow it?”

“They’re playing this too slowly!”

Denization

Bryony Taylor — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 05:00:42 +0000

[den-ee-za -shun]

noun

A special committee called by the buttress when a vicar tries to implement a new project (such as the removal of old box pews).

“Guitars in church? I’m calling a denization, we’ll put a stop to this!”

Decretum

Bryony Taylor — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 05:00:45 +0000

[di-creet-em]

noun

Movement made by an individual when either arriving to church late or nipping out during a quiet moment to the toilet – an attempt to make as little noise as possible.

“She walked with decretum down the side aisle.”

Culdee

Bryony Taylor — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 05:00:35 +0000

[cull-dee]

adjective

The ambient temperature of all vestries older than 100 years.

“I’m not getting changed in there, it’s all culdee.”

Crossfigill

Bryony Taylor — Sun, 10 Jun 2012 05:00:17 +0000

[cross-fee-gil]

noun

Moment during the offertory hymn when two collection plates collide.

“There was a crossfigill today, poor Joan didn’t know which bag to put her envelope into!”

Breviary

Bryony Taylor — Fri, 08 Jun 2012 05:00:45 +0000

[bree-vee-er-ee]

noun

Mercifully and surprisingly short sermon. The opposite of a triforium.

Almuce

Bryony Taylor — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 05:00:35 +0000

[al-myoos]

noun (pl)

Left over food after a parish ‘faith lunch’. Usually comprised of inedible vol au vents, one quiche too many and some curly sandwiches.

“Anybody want to take this almuce home? No? Thought not.”

Agistment

Bryony Taylor — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 05:00:52 +0000

[uh-jist-ment]

verb

Act of adjusting one’s clothing underneath a cassock.